Sure ... there is a circle of life. When something ends, another begins.
But what about when something you ended begins again? And it's...GASP...not the same?!!
In high school, I over-involved and over-achieved, and one of my biggest commitments (and obsessions) was the speech team. Yeah, yeah...guffaw, guffaw.
But some of my best friendships and most marketable assets were cultivated while a member of this team. Speech team meant this: 6 am bus rides on a Saturday, suits and heels, sharing your message with a room of people, laughing, crying, and, of course, winning. Nude hose were sacriligious and lipstick was not an option. We were talented and we had fun.
When I signed on as the assistant speech team coach today (so. freakin. excited.), I had to fight back a lot of nostalgia. I found a little bit of who I am on my former speech team. We were a family of 124 members that experienced joy and pain, huge success and *extreme* loss. As we used to say, speech team was more than words.
Well, when I returned to my high school this afternoon for our first team meeting ...I was at a loss for words. The over 120 person team is now...20. The team office is now...dirty storage closet. And lipstick seems not only optional, but not even encouraged. I know, I know. Please. Silence your outrage.
Beside myself, I did my best "compose yourself" speech team move and fidgeted throughout the haphazard meeting (w/0 agenda!) till the coaches met together. Another coach and myself have been brought on this year to help the team re-build, and he was a breath of fresh air. I hope that together we can make the speech team illicit the same respect it once did.
I understand that things change. Groups change, people change. Things change. (For someone who cried when the wood-burning stove got switched for a newer one at my grandparents' house, this is hard for me to accept.) And, you know, even part of a [social] butterfly's life is metamorphosis.
When trying to avoid a second date with some rando guy last year, I rattled of some social events for my various clubs and associations. Membership was down, we had exchange students...I stepped in and planned a cocktail hour meet and greet, an italian aperitivo, and coffee dates. He looked at me, bemused, and said: "So what you're telling me...is that when there is a crisis, your solution is to throw a party."
He may have been a boring accountant who ate sushi with a fork, but hell, not even I could have said it better.
So, socials, I'm going to do what I do best: throw a party.
And then get down to business.
Monday, September 14, 2009
Thursday, September 3, 2009
Who Do You Know?!
I grew up hearing about how hard work, determination, and academic prowess (and maybe a little mascara and a well-timed smile) can help you achieve your dreams. Getting ahead was about the best woman getting the glory. Work hard. You'll get the corner office, tons of vacation days, and everything you ever dreamed of (huge house w/backyard, handsome husband, sprawling walk-in closet). All because you put in your time getting good grades and scoring high.
I also thought babies were delivered to you by a beam of light at the altar at your wedding while a chorus of angels sang, and that if I had a boyfriend, I would never, never, ever disagree with him.
...Clearly delusional.
I'm not, in any way, trying to down-play the sense of accomplishment and the achievement that come from hard work. [Believe me, I was the girl in college who made a color-coded spreadsheet of her professor's office hours (and attended them) and had the coffee pot going in the morning before our sorority house cook arrived.] I got into graduate school on a full-ride (insert self-aggrandizing pat on the back), studied abroad twice, and graduated at 24 with a masters degree.
And -- believe it or not, people -- I *didn't* have someone banging down my door with a job as soon as the diploma hit my palm. Countless hours of studying, beating my brains out for A's, a stellar resume and about 35 job applications later....NADA. And I'm not the only one. Of everyone who I graduated with in May, no one has a full-time job yet.
Hmmm...who can we blame for this. I guess I can blame our usual scapegoats, the economy and/or the media. Maybe my parents? But really, I shouldn't blame anyone for instilling a strong work ethic. However, the sense of entitlement that a job would just be handed to me needs to get tossed out the window and crash through the narcissism reflected there. Really though...we need to blame ourselves for not using our greatest skill!!
Flutter not, SB's. We have a one-up that, in conjunction with our dedication to being the best, makes us unstoppable:
SOCIAL SKILLS.
I may not be making a decent income, but I certainly have capital. SOCIAL capital. The connection between people and social networks. Robert Putnam, author of Bowling Alone, argues that America's decline in social capital stems from the decline of participation in...wait for it...BOWLING LEAGUES.
Don't freak out and go buy a bowling ball and those awful shoes. What he means is that people aren't joining clubs anymore, no leagues. By not participating in group activities, clubs, and networks, we are digging ourselves a hole into the ground. A lonely one. We aren't exercising our socialability! (Did I make that word up? Whatevs.) In a world where I can sit at my computer alone on a Thursday morning, sipping coffee out of a fish mug and typing this instead of calling you all up to meet somewhere for coffee and laughs, participating in an activity together falls to the wayside.
As social butterflies, we can remedy this. I made Boyfriend join a local membership organization with me in our community. And we have gotten *very* involved! We've volunteered for plenty of community events (read: wine fests), where we've put our volunteer efforts to good use (read: finished off the left overs with the other volunteers). We joined committees, took on projects, and within no time had lots of friends (read: drinking buddies and potential employers).
And GUESS WHAT. Within a month of joining this group, one of our fellow members who sat as Board Chair on a nonprofit's Board of Directors gave me insight to a new fundraising job available with that np organization. He made a call, I have an interview.
Okay, okay, ulterior motives such as drinking and employment aside, we really have enjoyed getting to know peers in the community who share our passion for socializing, doing well, and doing good. I really do want to encourage you to become more SOCIAL. Get involved in community groups, volunteer, attend an art event with friends, sign up for a flag football league called "We Pound Hard" (I didn't do that, just an example, a simple example....). How can you say no to more friends, a fuller social calendar, and another drink? Say yes.
Because it's not what you know, it's who you know. And people want to know you.
I also thought babies were delivered to you by a beam of light at the altar at your wedding while a chorus of angels sang, and that if I had a boyfriend, I would never, never, ever disagree with him.
...Clearly delusional.
I'm not, in any way, trying to down-play the sense of accomplishment and the achievement that come from hard work. [Believe me, I was the girl in college who made a color-coded spreadsheet of her professor's office hours (and attended them) and had the coffee pot going in the morning before our sorority house cook arrived.] I got into graduate school on a full-ride (insert self-aggrandizing pat on the back), studied abroad twice, and graduated at 24 with a masters degree.
And -- believe it or not, people -- I *didn't* have someone banging down my door with a job as soon as the diploma hit my palm. Countless hours of studying, beating my brains out for A's, a stellar resume and about 35 job applications later....NADA. And I'm not the only one. Of everyone who I graduated with in May, no one has a full-time job yet.
Hmmm...who can we blame for this. I guess I can blame our usual scapegoats, the economy and/or the media. Maybe my parents? But really, I shouldn't blame anyone for instilling a strong work ethic. However, the sense of entitlement that a job would just be handed to me needs to get tossed out the window and crash through the narcissism reflected there. Really though...we need to blame ourselves for not using our greatest skill!!
Flutter not, SB's. We have a one-up that, in conjunction with our dedication to being the best, makes us unstoppable:
SOCIAL SKILLS.
I may not be making a decent income, but I certainly have capital. SOCIAL capital. The connection between people and social networks. Robert Putnam, author of Bowling Alone, argues that America's decline in social capital stems from the decline of participation in...wait for it...BOWLING LEAGUES.
Don't freak out and go buy a bowling ball and those awful shoes. What he means is that people aren't joining clubs anymore, no leagues. By not participating in group activities, clubs, and networks, we are digging ourselves a hole into the ground. A lonely one. We aren't exercising our socialability! (Did I make that word up? Whatevs.) In a world where I can sit at my computer alone on a Thursday morning, sipping coffee out of a fish mug and typing this instead of calling you all up to meet somewhere for coffee and laughs, participating in an activity together falls to the wayside.
As social butterflies, we can remedy this. I made Boyfriend join a local membership organization with me in our community. And we have gotten *very* involved! We've volunteered for plenty of community events (read: wine fests), where we've put our volunteer efforts to good use (read: finished off the left overs with the other volunteers). We joined committees, took on projects, and within no time had lots of friends (read: drinking buddies and potential employers).
And GUESS WHAT. Within a month of joining this group, one of our fellow members who sat as Board Chair on a nonprofit's Board of Directors gave me insight to a new fundraising job available with that np organization. He made a call, I have an interview.
Okay, okay, ulterior motives such as drinking and employment aside, we really have enjoyed getting to know peers in the community who share our passion for socializing, doing well, and doing good. I really do want to encourage you to become more SOCIAL. Get involved in community groups, volunteer, attend an art event with friends, sign up for a flag football league called "We Pound Hard" (I didn't do that, just an example, a simple example....). How can you say no to more friends, a fuller social calendar, and another drink? Say yes.
Because it's not what you know, it's who you know. And people want to know you.
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